Counterfeit Ballad of a Streetlight Horseman
by cryptically
Summary: Shinkari. Caught between sleep and dreaming, resilience and addiction, fighting Shadows and struggling with home-cooking, Shinjiro Aragaki soon learns that he's got a long month ahead of him. But why's Yukari confiding in him now? And what's with the dog?
1. I: The Horseman

**Author's Note:**

On noticing the dearth of Shinjiro-centric fanfics out there, I decided to throw my hat into the fray. This is my first stab at Persona 3 fic, and it's going to have the strange and improbable pairing of Shinjiro/Yukari (Shinkari?). I'll give you a moment to wrap your mind around that. All set? Good.

Most of this will be from Shinjiro's point of view, sometimes it switches to Yuka-tan's, but... (waves hand) I'm honestly just writing this for fun, and because I wanted to see how believable I can make the pairing, since poor Shinji doesn't get an awful lot of romance fic written about him (awww).

If you're keeping track, the story starts on September 4 and progresses from there, to, well...October. Also, there will be **spoilers**, **spoilers, spoilers**, so watch out.

Here goes,

--cy.

* * *

He fished around in his coat pocket feverishly. A dog tag of Koro-chan's that he'd meant to fix, no; receipt from grocery shopping in the market earlier, no; pills, not yet; chicken ramen favor packet--the hell? He was beginning to see why they just gave all of their stuff to that kid. Keeping things organized was a bitch.

Finally, he found what he was looking for.

"Don't be so careless," he called as he hurled the medical powder at Yukari Takeba, axe swinging in his other hand wildly as he did so, "I'm running out of these."

She frowned, but looked relieved nonetheless. "Yeah, well, you try fighting an electricity-aligned Shadow with a wind-type Persona."

"Still, wouldn't want your boyfriend getting upset."

Yukari gave him a look that clearly said that he'd chosen the wrong thing to bring up. Oh yeah, she and the kid had been on the outs lately. Something had happened concerning the sports coach for Kendo club, apparently.

Shinjiro Aragaki shrugged and waited for the Shadow to make its move. He hated wasting turns like this, keeping someone else alive and making bait out of himself. It made him jittery. And wasn't this whole exercise so that he wouldn't have to be jittery at night anymore?

His right eye twitched maniacally. Oops. Got to get a hold of that.

An arrow flew through the air and caught the thing right in the stomach. It writhed and doubled over miserably, lolling about on the floor just begging to be finished off. Shinjiro sighed, biding his time, and watched Yukari's face shine. Nothing like vindictiveness to up your chances at a critical hit.

"What's this thing's Arcana again? Hanged Man?"

Akihiko shook his head, holstering his own Evoker. "Nah, looks like Strength. Fuuka, some help?"

Shinjiro hastily suppressed a tremor in his hand. The axe swung haphazardly in a circle by his legs.

It wasn't like it had gotten all _that _bad. Yeah, Akihiko was going to have some choice words for him when (hopefully_ if_, but Shinjiro had learned not to trust in anything that involved a "hopefully") he found out about some of the side-effects he was encountering, let alone what was causing the side-effects, but that was that. He wasn't as completely dependent on the stuff as he had been, and he found himself waking up during the night less. Maybe this ass-kicking at midnight on a regular basis was just what he needed.

Or maybe just what his Persona needed. He'd long had a feeling that Castor resented being cooped up on nights like this when there were Shadows to be sliced up. Either way, best to enjoy it while it lasted.

The Shadow looked at him pitifully from the marble floor, eyes glinting and reflecting the pale light that shone on it.

He smirked and put the cool barrel of the Evoker to his forehead.

"Let's do this."

--

"Well, looks like the new dog suit for Koromaru-chan is all that we're going to get from this, huh? Twelve chests, and except the one with the suit, every one Rancid Gravy. Ew." Yukari sighed, stretching. "Anyone else getting tired? I'm bushed."

Akihiko flexed his gloves, wincing at the creak of metal. Shinjiro wondered why this was so surprising. You fight with metal objects, they require maintenance, you deal. Stuff rusts. But, some part of him pondered, if Gekkoukan's Golden Boy should rust, what then lead?

Lead, yeah. He shouldered the axe. The lead twin to the golden idol, that was him. "I could go a little longer."

Akihiko shook his head and breathed a little heavier than usual. "Ugh, I don't think I could. My stomach's feeling weird." He smiled sheepishly. "You always had more stamina than I did, Shinji."

Shinjiro shrugged and watched as even their blue-haired companion slumped in unison with the other two. Damn. It sucked being the only one.

Eventually, they began the long trek of heading back to the dorm. Since their group had grown past the carrying capacity of Mitsuru's motorcycle, transport from Tartarus to the dormitory had begun to be an issue. The Dark Hour was the length of a regular hour, so things worked out great if they arrived, spent an hour, and then took the midnight trains back to the dorm. Leaving earlier, though...

"Crap." Junpei said, as they hopped the barrier by the ticket booths, coffins forming a neat line behind them. "You know, after joining you guys, I never really feel safe taking trains anymore."

Yukari frowned. "That was just one time, Stupei. Besides, it's not like these trains are going anywhere. We just have to, well, walk."

"Aw man." He sighed, throwing himself theatrically down on one of the benches. "Can't we just wait here for the Dark Hour to end and then catch a train?"

"Of course not." Mitsuru interjected, gracefully vaulting the turnstile. "That would be unethical."

"Besides, I think the people here might get a little weirded out," Fuuka added, "you know, seeing a group of people appear out of nowhere and then try to board a train. We'd probably get questioned." She thought. "Or arrested. Maybe both."

"Yeah, yeah, go on and ruin my idea." Junpei sighed, reluctantly leaving the bench. "But don't tell me that you weren't secretly hoping that we didn't have to walk the whole way home ourselves either."

Shinjiro watched and walked on, trying to disguise his disappointment.

They could have had one more battle, just one, something that would get it out of his system for the night. Damn it. He needed to be exhausted to really sleep well, so tired that even if he tried to exert himself all he could push himself to do would be to get back to his bed and sleep.

Those were the nights when he didn't have to worry about the dreams or about waking up before he wanted. Tonight, though, probably wasn't going to get added to that happy number of peaceful slumbers.

He felt his fingers twitch and he suddenly missed the handle of his axe.

"Hey, you got a moment?"

Yukari had slowed down her pace to keep stride with him and was looking at him with that expectant gaze of hers. Shinjiro frowned. No, tonight was definitely not going to be a good night.

"There's something I wanted to talk to you about." She said, still looking at him. Shinjiro kept his hands spaded in his pockets and his eyes firmly ahead of him.

"Yeah, what?" He replied.

She took a moment. "You mentioned not wanting to make my 'boyfriend' worry earlier. You know..." She trailed off, her lips tasting the word "boyfriend" like it was something sour.

Shinjiro rolled his eyes. One of the perks of wearing a beanie all the time was that you could do things like that and not have people notice it too often. Was he actually going to have to respond to this? He could already tell where this was leading.

"After a summer together, you two are done already? Well, that was quick." He said glibly, wanting to get this over with. Generally, being offensive worked alright.

Yukari frowned. "Hey, it wasn't the whole summer. I just thought that, well, maybe there was something to him. I mean, he answered a lot of questions in class and everyone was saying that he was pretty cool."

Shinjiro sighed, and straightened his peacoat. "Look, do I seem like someone you'd go to to play relationship councilor? I'm sure Mitsuru or that blue-haired girl--"

"Fuuka."

"Whatever. One of them's got to be just dying to help you. Hell," he said, "throw a slumber party with all of them for all I care. Maybe not the robot one, though." He still had some misgivings about that one.

Yukari sighed. "It seemed like things were going so well. I mean, I even invited him back to my--"

Shinjiro walked a little more hurriedly. "Do I really need to hear this?"

"What, don't you want to help me out?"

"No."

A pause. They cast their shadows on the still pavement, cars halted in motion on either side of them. Shinjiro had thought that this was pretty neat the first couple of times he'd done it on his own: walking through a highway when all the traffic was as frozen as the promise of snow on the air. Coffins were crammed into carseats (somehow) and headlights blazed on unfalteringly.

It was nice, until the Dark Hour ended and the high-speed reality of just where they were standing kicked back in.

"Shit."

Everyone else had made it to the other side of the bypass and were well on their way to the dorm, nearly visible in the distance. How many minutes did they have left?

"Hey, you don't have to swear at me! I'm trying to sort my feelings out here. I don't need crap from you on top of--"

"Shut up." He grabbed her arm and began to march her a little bit faster through the sea of cars and trucks. A semi loomed disastrously in front of them.

Yukari looked like she had some choice words for him, one look at his face and she was silent, eyes catching some of his countenance.

"Senpai?" She whispered. "What is it?"

Was that an engine he heard?

A pair of lights whirled behind them, and a cool wind raced under his boots.

"Shit shit shit." He said under his breath. He pulled her like she was a rag doll and ran.

Something swung past them, casting shadows on either side. Yukari was pretty fast, he realized, as she moved with him once she'd gotten over her shock. A truck careened their way, a few cars were near misses, but for the most part, they were able to make it to the other side of the highway. Shinjiro caught someone hurling a very colorful swear at them from one of the trucks and was tempted to answer back with something equally descriptive, but decided against it. Tonight was just not his night.

The two of them walked in silence for a little while, until the the front steps of the dormitory were before them.

"Full moon tomorrow, huh?" Bad dreams undoubtedly awaited him. It happened every time.

Yukari looked up at him sharply, as thought deep in thought. "Uh, yeah. That's right." She fumbled in her pockets for a key, brow furrowed. "Weird, I don't feel as tired as I was back at Tartarus."

"Just be careful."

She almost had time to do a double-take, eyes wide, when he opened the door and Junpei's face poked out at her confidently.

"Oooh, Yuka-tan, out late with Shinjiro-senpai now, huh? When's my turn? Seems like just yesterday you were all over--"

"Can it, Stupei."

By the time she'd gotten through the group of people wanting to know if she was alright, what she and Shinjiro-senpai had been talking about, whether Shinji had decided to leave SEES after all, and the myriad of questions about how they escaped the highway rush, she saw that the stairs were empty and that the second floor hallway was curiously devoid of life.

Yukari Takeba shrugged, and went to her room. Hey, maybe the guy just turned in early on nights like this.

--

Yeah, right. He'd known it wasn't going to be a good night from the start.

And sure enough, it wasn't. He awoke somewhere past three, drenched in sweat, visions of horses and blood-soaked spears cascading through his mind, lingering in the dark spots of the room. His breath came in gasps, and his heart pounded like the beat of a war drum. Same old thing, but it never felt this bad when he remembered it later. He kept his eyes pried wide open, not trusting the darkness to be tame, even in the dorm. The sounds of soft breathing carried through the hallways as he stepped out, clicked the door shut, and made his way down the stairs.

Hands slick on the railing, he concentrated on calming his heart before reaching the landing. Someone had left the lounge light on, which was good, because fumbling around in the dark and trying not to give into the tremors rarely was a good combination. He was lucky that the last time he'd done this no one had heard him fall. Even before he'd left SEES, full moon nights had always sucked. The drugs exacerbated it initially, but at least he didn't have to deal with it each night anymore, which was what he'd wanted. He grimaced. Hell, nice to know that at least something around here stayed the same, no matter how much stranger this place got. Full moons just sucked ass, no matter what happened.

Sweat beaded on his brow and his mouth was dry and tasted of old envelopes, the kind that had been left in the drawer too long, stale and flat with impatience. He swallowed and nearly choked. Somehow managing to wrest a glass from the cupboard, he filled it with water from the tap and drank, long and deep, until he felt the world settle into a more familiar earthquake.

Shinjiro Aragaki exhaled and slumped into a chair by the table. So much for exhausting himself. Castor was relentless and ready tonight.

Just a little longer, he thought, the embrace of sleep clouding his mind, as he felt his way up the stairs and back into his room. Just a little while.

He was really starting to hate full moons.


	2. II: The Song

Cans of soup sprawled before his eyes, down in an endless line aisles and aisles wide.

He blinked and shook his head. If he was going to start trying to save the world now, then he probably shouldn't go off getting dazed by the volumes of food available in supermarkets. He sighed, took a few cans of tomato soup and a box of chicken broth, and made his way to the check out.

The fluorescent lights flickered dully overhead as he paid for his groceries.

"Bad electrical storm coming, I heard the weatherman say," the matronly lady at the cashier noted, nodding sagely. "All over the place everyone's worrying about powerlines."

Shinjiro shrugged, took his bags, and walked out.

Some girl with Apathy Syndrome looked at him with listless eyes, blankly watching his progress from one side of the road to the other. He frowned, casting a look above him as the sky darkened and the air wrapped itself with moisture. Bad night to be out.

The streetlights before him glowed superbright, then dimmed brown in a flash. At once, the city was thrown in darkness. Only the dial on the clock towering above the buildings remained illuminated, proclaiming the current time to be half past eight. The rest was pitch black, save the bright face of the moon looking at its mechanical twin.

"Ah, shit."

--

"Aww man! How are we supposed to fight the Shadows without being to tell where the Shadows are?" Junpei moaned from the couch. Or at least Shinjiro was pretty sure it was the couch. The dormitory's fuses had blown along with the rest of town, so for the moment, everyone was sitting in the dark. The full moon cast some illumination, but not much when they were inside.

Fuuka's lips were pursed, and her brow was forrowed. Her Persona glowed around her, faintly, wavering.

"Can't I just use Hermes to light this place up?"

"Yeah, sure, do that and you'll probably set the dorm on fire."

"Come on, Yuka-tan, it was just an idea. Besides, Fuuka's got hers out."

"That's because she's trying to find out where the Shadow is that's causing all this, Stupei."

"Jeesh, just trying to lighten the mood."

Shinjiro wondered if it was going to be like this for the entire mission. Things back with Akihiko and Mitsuru seemed so much...simpler. Back then, they'd all understood that there was something out there that needed to be taken down, something that was much more powerful than them. Now it was like it wasn't such a big deal, like they could take these things on without too much danger to themselves any more.

He sighed.

"It's all over town, I can't figure out where it is!"

Fuuka appeared to be going through some distress. He couldn't say that he blamed her. When it got dark out, it seemed like everything was your enemy, even things that were really the very innocents that you were fighting to protect.

He swallowed and forced that thought from his mind. Wasn't that a little too maudlin, even for him? Come on. He wasn't going to make progress with this thing if he couldn't at least convince himself to move on, even for a few moments.

A breath. Okay.

"Calm down, Fuuka," Yukari said, making an attempt to console the girl with a pat on the shoulder, but stopping herself midway, at a loss as to how to do the comforting through the girl's Persona. "It's not like we're going to get on your case for not being able to figure out where this thing is. I mean, hey, you've found all the Shadows really easily before; maybe this one's just crafty."

"Aww, great, so we're fighting a _crafty_ Shadow now. That makes me feel _soo_ much better." Junpei griped from the couch."

"I thought that one in the train was pretty crafty." Akihiko mused quietly.

"No! We are not bringing up the train again!" Moaned Junpei. "Man, I am so done with those."

"Good luck getting to school, then."

"Thanks, Yuka-tan, I appreciate your kindness and understanding in my hour of need."

"When is that hour, all day?"

"Enough, both of you." Ah, Mitsuru. Shinjiro had to look away. Some things changed around here, but for the most part, things weren't that different. Mitsuru sure hadn't changed much.

"Too bad the power's out, though," Junpei sighed, "I so could have beat that next level of Sin Online." He nudged the navy-haired student to his side. "Right, --"

"That's it!" Fuuka cried. "It's in the powerlines!"

"Powerlines." Akihiko said, tasting the word. "Sounds like my kind of party."

--

They somehow found themselves in Pawlonia Mall, during the Dark Hour, trying to figure out where on earth the Shadow that they were supposed to be fighting was.

"Well, we could always just open all the doors, I guess," Junpei suggested. "I mean, there's only so many shops that this thing could be hiding in, right?"

Shinjiro rolled his eyes. "Yeah, but then you waste time. How much do you want to run out of time and then be in the middle of a restaurant with your katana in someone's noodles?"

"Gee, senpai, when you put it that way..." He sighed. "Can at least one of my suggestions be okay today? Please, guys?"

A glow surrounded them once more, and the lights brightened vibrantly. Eyes closed and mouth open slightly, Fuuka shook her head. "It's here, I know it." Shoulders slumping, her Persona seemed to even be going faint around the edges. "I'm so sorry. I don't think I can get anything better than that for you guys."

"Well, we know it's in the electrical system at least, so that's a start," Akihiko commented. "We'll just have to go from there."

Shinjiro looked up from the tiles (he'd been admiring the floorwork. Hey, it had been a while since he'd gotten around to going through Pawlonia.) and something clicked.

"We're looking for an electric source, right?"

"Right," Fuuka said. "It was all over the city's powerlines, so that's why it was so hard to figure out just where it was at first, but it's got to be around here somewhere."

"There's a back-up generator in this place in case of something like this. That's why this is the only place with lights on when the city goes dark. Now, what place here would need a generator?"

Akihiko turned on the balls of his feet. "Shinji, seriously?"

Shinjiro nodded, hands in his pockets. Hell, maybe he was doing this team thing alright after all.

"Okay, everyone, let's go!" Akihiko said, strapping his gloves on, grin spread over his features.

"Hey, hey! You're not telling us anything here." Yukari objected. "Where's this back-up generator?"

Shinjiro cocked his head to one side and smirked. "If you listen, you can hear it."

She frowned, then paused. The rest of the SEES group fell silent, and sure enough...

"Why does this sound like house music?"

Shinjiro waited, saying nothing.

"So, this thing is out clubbing while we're busting our butts trying to find it."

He thought about nodding to that, but then realized that he might actually smile, and that that would not be acceptable at all. So, he settled for a nonchalant shrug instead.

"How did you know about the back-up generator, Shinji?" Akihiko asked as they made their way to the gilded velvet doors of Club Escapade.

Shinjiro gave his friend an odd look. "s'not like all I do is hang around on that staircase, Aki."

--

It went pretty well until the battle got into full swing.

For some reason, he was fighting with Akihiko, the blue kid, and Yukari. This was absolutely baffling to him, since Yukari was getting her butt handed to her, fried and roasted nearly every other turn.

"Damn it, already!" Akihiko called at it. "Throw something this way for a change!"

"Is it," panted Yukari, school uniform slightly singed and hair looking a bit frazzled, "charging up for another one of those big attacks?"

"Looks like it," Akihiko replied. "You going to be okay?"

She took one glance at the kid, who was currently summoning his actual, own Persona to go and heal them all, and nodded curtly. Shinjiro wished that he didn't have to see this. She wasn't fooling anyone.

His heart was beating along to pounding on the dance floor and he felt strands of music whip past him as sparks crackled and popped overhead. Castor for once wasn't bursting with superfluous energy; for once, his Persona had thrown itself entirely into the battle, leaving Shinjiro with an incredible rush. It was...strange, not having something hovering over him, waiting for the slightest chance to escape his prison. It felt really good, he thought, barely noticing the pain as Castor sliced into their opponent once more.

Was it the music? He couldn't say. All he knew was that when the Hermit fell, he found himself wishing for more, hoping that chord would just hold out for one more beat, the lights could keep flashing all night, the dance floor could be a battleground, and he could forever remain lost in the changing rhapsody.

"Hey, Shinjiro-senpai."

His eyelids fluttered and lifted, and he saw the pink-clad girl out of the corner of his eye.

"Sorry. You just looked like you were having a moment there."

Then why'd you mess it up? He retained a curt silence.

"Your Arcana's the, uh, Hierophant, right?" She managed to pronounce "hierophant" correctly, which was impressive.

Woah. That was out of the blue. He nodded. "Yeah. What of it?"

"Well," she continued, "mine's the Lovers."

"There a point to this?" He inquired.

"Yeah! Um," a pause. "Everyone else has left, so we should probably get going."

He shouldered his axe and walked outside into the fresh night air of the plaza. It was cold compared to the inside of the club, but not too bad. Chilly, but his peacoat would be good enough. He unintentionally lengthened his stride, making it difficult for Yukari to keep pace.

"Hey, so what I was saying earlier, you know about the Arcana of our Persona--"

He raised an eyebrow. This was starting to sound like some cheesy pick-up line. Hey, babe, what's _your_ Arcana? He bit back a snort.

"What already? You're slowing me down."

"I mean," she said, "before you came back, we fought at this hotel place and," she was blushing, "I swear, it's not like you think, but the Hierophant and the Lovers were--"

"Fighting together, yeah." He finished. "Aki filled me in."

"Any idea why they did?"

"No."

"Oh."

They walked without speaking for a while, until Yukari fell and didn't get back up.

Great. He sighed, pulled his coat closer to him, and walked back to find her. What a night. At least the music at the club had been good.


	3. III: The Dream

He picked her up, slung her arms over his shoulder, and resumed walking. These days, you learned not to stop long in the dark, especially in this part of town. Port Island was pretty bad, but Iwatodai wasn't exactly paradise either. At least the streetlights were flickering into life once more.

The lights were slowly clicking back on in the city and slowly clicking off in the dorm. Shinjiro angled his cargo slightly so that he'd be able to reach the door and turn the knob without much difficulty. He carried her up the stairs, stopping briefly on the landing, and had half a mind just to dump her on the third floor couch. He then decided that that was a good enough. So, depositing her gently down on the cushion, he made to leave but found himself stopped by a hand on his coat sleeve.

"Senpai? Wait, what happened?"

How was he supposed to know? Did this usually happen-- girls just conked out on sidewalks, expected you to rescue them, and then badgered you about it until you couldn't take it anymore?

"You fell. You didn't want to get back up, either." Hopefully he wouldn't have to mention carting her back. One embarrassment per night, was it so hard to ask?

"I--" She looked slightly aghast. "Oh man, I guess I was more tired than I thought." She laughed, but not very convincingly. Or, at least, Shinjiro thought to himself, not convincing enough to fool him.

"Get some sleep," he heard himself say, as he walked back down the hall and to the stairs.

"Hey, wait a minute!"

"What?"

She stopped to catch her breath for a few moments and then shook her head. "You never answered my question. There's got to be some reason for those two to appear together. What's so special about the Hierophant?"

He rolled his eyes, this time where she could see and tsked. "You might as well ask what's so special about the Lovers."

Yukari was quiet after that, and Shinjiro took the opportunity to escape back to the second floor and barricade himself in his room before people started asking him tricky questions. He sighed, leaning against the door frame. Geez. Two days back and already people were starting to make things difficult for him. And to think, these people actually wanted him around?

Yeah, sure.

He woke up before the sun, trembling, heart beating a frantic staccato against the cage of his chest.

His eyes fluttered shut and he was met with blood and horses, the only two things that seemed constant about his nightmares. Something in him quivered, as though he were on a high cliff, leaning toward the edge: the horrible feeling of falling before taking the leap, the sense of danger just beyond the reach of his sight. The edges blurred and he exhaled sharply, a piercing through his chest, and the spear--

Burning, excruciating, it flickered all over him, covering his limbs and extremities last, like a slow molasses. Something in his stomach prickled and spasmed irregularly, as his hands shakily tried to console it to no avail. He gasped, and opened his eyes.

Cold, cold, cold. The sheet was on the floor and the window was open. Had he done that? Probably. Sweat formed a layer across his skin, warm ice, and Shinjiro got out of bed, got dressed, and locked the door behind him as he stepped out into the night.

Akihiko had once told him that things would get better for him if he just accepted what he'd done and moved on. Shinjiro could have laughed. Hell, he could move on all he wanted to. He could tell himself a million times that he was doing the right thing by trying to make something of his life, by not evening what he had unbalanced, and that this was the right course for him to be taking. Sure, he could explain that to himself until his face turned blue.

He believed it.

It was just that something inside him didn't, and that something seemed to have other plans.

He swallowed, and tried to even his breathing as he made his patrol of the nighht streets as they gave themselves over to morning.


	4. IV: The Skirmish

"So what's up with Shinjiro-senpai?" Junpei whispered. Mr. Ekoda talked in the background animatedly about various aspects of Japanese history.

"And so, Sengoku. And don't you wish today's news could be even remotely like this? Warriors, some with the purest of intentions, others with darkness constricting their hearts. It would be a whole lot better than the crap that you see these days. 'Man organizes charity drive,' tsh. What we need is a real warrior to make headlines again, someone--"

Yukari's pencil tapped out a light beat against her paper, the background rhythm to a new pop song. She thought about closing her eyes and singing the lyrics to herself, but then realized that she'd probably fall asleep, given yesterday's excursion.

A blue-haired boy answered a question, and the class broke into murmurs. Yukari rolled her eyes. Honestly, you'd think the kid was a celebrity or something, the way everyone went crazy over him when he did the slightest thing.

"Psst! Yuka-tan!"

Yukari looked over.

"I said, what do you think's going on with Shinjiro-senpai?"

She raised an eyebrow. "What? You've managed to notice any difference in his behavior?"

Junpei shrugged. "Good point."

A few more exciting minutes went by before the question got the better of her.

"Hey, Junpei."

The boy's head perked up immediately, having become dangerously close to that fatal position of repose.

"Nice save, Yuka-tan. I was almost out for a moment there."

"I didn't wake you for that, Stupei. Look, what do you know about the Hierophant?"

"The what?"

"Iori!" Mr. Ekoda frowned at him. "Do you mean to tell me that you harbor no patriotic pride?"

Junpei hastily shook his head. "Ah, no! I mean, of course I have pride! There's no one in this room that has as much patriotic pride as I do!"

Yukari had to resist the urge to sigh, wave it off, or otherwise show her displeasure. There was no way that Junpei was going to give her any help (if he could) if he got caught not paying attention. Though, she had to admit, it would have been worse if she hadn't done something to wake him up. Mr. Ekoda was famous for noting down the students that fell asleep during his classes and taking their slumber into account when grading.

Junpei shot her a frenzied look when he got asked a question, and she tried to be as discreet as possible in giving him the answer.

Once they got out of school, though, she was on his case. Whispers flooded the room around her as soon as a boy stepped out into the hall.

"Did you see that?"

"Right in front of Yukari-chan!"

"Guy's got some nerve."

"Yeah, but that manager girl is pretty hot..."

"I hear the student council treasurer has a crush on him, too!"

"Oooh, threeway!"

"Ah, hey, Yuka-tan? Why are you dragging me out of the classroom? Not that I mind."

Yukari blinked, and made her hold on Junpei's arm a little less tight. "Ah, sorry about that. It's just, well, you know." She took a deep breath, and leaned against a locker. "So, what do you know about the Hierophant?"

Junpei ran a hand through his hair, fingers scraping along the buzzed fringes. "Apart from its shocking resemblance to the word 'elephant,' not much. They don't like electricity, at least, the ones with books on their heads that we fought didn't. Umm, the big one looked really creepy in the love hotel, like some dirty old man." He smiled. "Are you having fond memories, Yuka-tan?"

"Ugh, forget it. It was a mistake to ask you, anyway."

"Aww, don't be like that." Junpei pouted. "Oh hey, I might actually be able to help you, though. The nurse said that we could come to his office for supplemental instruction, right?"

"Yeah, but that guy's creepy as hell."

Nodding sagely, Junpei shrugged. "It's a trade-off, Yuka-tan. Just how badly do you want to know the answer to your question?"

Yukari gave him a look, and then continued down the first floor hallway.

--

He was throwing pieces of bread to the birds in front of the Iwatodai shops when she found him. He hadn't really been that hard to find: there was a surprising dearth of peacoated badasses lurking around the strip of stalls at night and he stood out. She picked at the fluff on her collar nervously (nervous? Since when had she gotten nervous?) and approached him as the sun set in front of them.

"Looks like it's going to be night soon, huh?"

Her companion glanced up. Shinjiro Aragaki's eyes were wide, briefly, then cold. "Tends to happen when the day ends." He broke off another chunk of the loaf and loped it at the morning doves and sparrows. "You really shouldn't be here."

Instantly, her countenance changed from complacent to combative. "Yeah? Why's that, Mr. I'm-so-tough? Got any friends coming over to pay you a visit?"

"No. Just feeding the birds."

He didn't even _look_ at her. Just kept breaking off smaller and smaller pieces of bread and throwing them at the fluttering crowd that had gathered by the trees. Having nothing to reply to that with, Yukari stood with him, watching as the birds pecked sleepily at the food, some making their weary tracks back to their roosts, and gazing out as streetlights lit up, forming a streak of pearls across the sky.

The bookstore behind them gradually dimmed its lights and the owners gingerly began their stroll out to dinner before heading back to their home. Yukari watched the evening traffic surround them: people on their way to the ramen shop, excited otakus on their way to a manga release, a couple teasing each other with takoyaki from Octopia, the sound of voices, the clatter on sidewalks, and the liveliness of the night. She smiled softly to herself.

"I don't get to see this side of things a lot."

Shinjiro twitched. He'd sort of been hoping that she'd leave, but oh well.

Instead, she continued. "Being on SEES, I always have to be back at the dorm in the evenings, until we figure out whether we're going out for the night or not. I mean, today nobody in their right mind would ask us to go out to Tartarus, since everyone's dead tired, but I still don't typically go here. It's cool getting to see this place at night."

He sighed. "Doesn't mean that you should be here, though."

Yukari's expression broke into a full-out frown. "What? Am I being so intrusive that you don't want me around you at all?"

"Hey, babe, there's a much better view from over here." Wait. That didn't sound like Shinjiro.

"Yeah," said another in a group of young men approaching her, "we can show you all sorts of good views." The group burst into laughter.

Oh. She grimaced. Perfect timing.

"I think I'll pass." Yukari said, her frown sticking. Why did this have to happen here?

"Aww, come on, it'll be fun." One of them said, reaching for her. She recoiled, and really wished that she'd brought something to whack them with but--

She didn't have to worry, because her would-be grabber was choking on something beige-and-pink-colored that had suddenly appeared in his mouth. About the same time as she saw that, she felt an arm gently rest around her shoulders. About to yell out and attack, she stopped when she noticed the color of the sleeve.

Maroon.

"Back off, she's taken," rasped a familiar voice. "I've got more of that, so you'll leave unless you want to see if I'm lying."

The group frowned and looked at him maliciously. One of them made to take Shinjiro up on his offer, but a fellow held him back.

"Let's not bother with them. You just watch your back, you got it?" The one that had tried to grab Yukari said.

Shinjiro smiled. "I always do."

--

He somehow found himself sitting inside Wild Duck Burger, trying to avoid having the massive, white duck come over and carouse fondly, with a steaming tray of food before him and Yukari Takeba across the table, trying to make eye contact and avoiding it all at the same time. Oh boy. He absently poked at the burger.

"So, you, uh, like duck?"

Ah hell, he couldn't do small talk to save his life. Yukari jumped, startled.

"Umm, well, yeah?"

Shinjiro blinked and leaned back into the booth. Well. Some conversation this was turning out to be. He munched on a fry, which was good since it gave him something to do other than make awkward stabs at conversation.

"Thanks for, you know," Yukari finally said. Shinjiro shrugged.

"It's not a big deal. It's generally a good idea to either get out quickly or wait them out, and since the trains don't come again until close to midnight, this seemed like the best option."

And it honestly was, or at least he thought so. Only an ass would make trouble in a crowded restaurant like this; the only reason they'd even been able to get in was because he'd known the maitre d' (if you could call him that) from a summer's worth of subbing in the kitchens when one of their regular guys got sick. It paid to have friends in restaurants.

"Not that," she started, but then realized her error. "I mean, thanks a lot for taking me here, but also thanks for what you did back there. I don't like having guys stick up for me, since I can do things on my own, but that was really good of you." She looked down at her own burger. "Guess a lot more guys are covering for me these days now, though."

"That a problem?"

It was Yukari's turn to remain silent. She eyed her fries and cautiously bit into one. "Sometimes. Not really, but yeah."

Shinjiro raised an eyebrow at his duck burger quizzically, deciding not to press his luck.

"What was that you shoved in that guy's mouth anyway?"

Shinjiro took a moment to make sure that he had just heard what he thought he had. "Melon bread. There's a guy down here who gives away a ton of them if you stop in his shop." No need to tell her that it was a bookstore. Would someone like the most popular girl in school believe that a delinquent like him frequented a bookshop and read up on mythology? Yeah, right.

They ate in a mostly neutral silence and took the 11:34 train back.

"The Hierophant is supposed to be someone that abides by rules and is on a quest for wisdom." Yukari commented, clinging to a handrail as the train skidded to its next stop. "People that fall under that arcana live by strictly by rules, sometimes so much so that it eats away at them when they break one. They also sometimes have a wistful side, too." She frowned. "Somehow, you don't strike me as a very wistful kind of guy. Or someone with a lot of rules."

Shinjiro pulled the brake for their stop. "You still trying to figure me out?"

"You're not telling me anything, so I might as well try on my own, right?"

He snorted. "You're wasting your time."

"What, you don't think that I can?"

Striding down the sidewalk that led to the dorm, he pondered that same question. He had no doubt of her reasoning abilities. He just doubted that the darkness surrounding him was something that made sense. It sure as hell didn't to him.

* * *

**Author's Note**:

Thanks for the kind review! Shinjiro's been my favorite character in the series and I don't think most fanfic (or least the ones that I've seen) do him too much justice. So, I will endeavor. Thanks for reading, and I hope reading this is as much fun as writing it has been.

--cy.


	5. V: The Omen and the Red String

It started out cleanly enough.

They were doing alright-- not great, and he had a feeling that someone was going to conk out soon enough, but at least their hapless leader had had the sense to leave Yukari downstairs rather than sit in on this. Shinjiro didn't like to be a pessimist all the time (because then, who would listen to you if you had bad news?) but he'd learned not to trust in good opportunities.

And this was just one of those times.

"Hey, check it out!" Junpei grinned madly, pointing at the golden Shadows. "They've got the good stuff, right? And just look at all of them, ripe for the picking. Well, guys. I'm going get me some booty!"

Mitsuru sighed. "Iori! We're working as a team here!"

His hair was on end. Why? Junpei kept chasing the golden blobs, moaning as they disappeared or swung down dark corridors.

Something was biting at the back of his neck. A memory?

"Hey." He said, walking slowly next to the red-haired girl. "You remember something like this?"

Mitsuru gave him a look and then shook her head. "I can't say that I have. A whole floor full of Shadows that are golden...I don't think it's happened to me before."

Shinjiro paused. The prickling had cascaded down his arms, and he felt something stir around his heart. _Castor?_ "Not golden. Fleeing."

She looked confused for a moment, but then the gravity of his statement was not lost. Her eyes widened and she swung around, catching a glimpse of the boy running down a hall gleefully. "A floor full of fleeing Shadows...Iori, stop!"

He did stop, but not until Shinjiro--not saw, not heard, but rather--felt on the tip of all his senses, that something had begun to stir.

"Hell." He said, trying to fashion his voice into something that wasn't a whisper, but failing. He dug through his pockets frantically. Swearing, he found nothing.

"You know where the stairs are?"

Mitsuru shook her head. "No. No sign of the access point either. Has Yamagishi...?"

He frowned. No, she hadn't, but he knew what was coming. You didn't need to see this happen too many times to know what was going on.

"Damn it, guys, the going was good! I almost had one back there, but--"

Suddenly, Fuuka cut in. "Guys! Get out of there!"

Throast tightening, he half-wanted to say, "I told you so," but thought better of it. Now wasn't the time for it. He turned instead to the other member of their group, the only one that was calm and collected against a wall.

"You know what's happening, right? We've got to go."

The other nodded, and they were off. Monsters fled before them, and Junpei tried to chase after the first one, but not when Mitsuru called him back with a voice that betrayed something of a frenzy.

"Oh, shit! Why didn't you tell me this was happening?"

Suddenly, it was like it had been before, almost to the letter. He'd been younger then, and Mitsuru had been the one that had done the spotting ahead for them. However, she'd been distracted and they'd very nearly not gotten out then, even knowing where the access point was. It all streamed back, like some disastrous current: the terror, the chase, and the sickening inevitability of running out of time...

"Death's here!"

Fuuka didn't sound half as worried as before. She sounded terrified. Shinjiro wondered what it must be like for her, watching everything. Would her visions just slowly fade to black as the thing closed in on them? Or would she just keep seeming them lying prone on the floor 117 forever?

He realized, somewhat absently, how much it sucked to have that kind of power sometimes.

And, just when he was sure that they were going down a corridor that would lead them somewhere, the path ended.

It was almost fitting, he thought: Death at a dead end.

Strangely, though, as the cloaked figured floated nearer, slowly, as Mitsuru tried to plot a way to get past it in vain and Junpei backed against the far wall, it didn't seem as bad as it had in his memories. Maybe getting older did something good for you after all. His head pulsed and he hurried a hand across his face, as though trying to contain that which was fighting to break out.

Shinjiro stepped in front of them, hands around his axe, Castor pulsing at the inseams of his skin. Was this resignation? More a will to go down fighting, if that's what it was coming down to. The spectre advanced and he didn't back down.

Funny, though. For a moment, just before the walls dissolved and everything faded, he felt a slight tug pull against the walls of his rib cage, as though a red string tied around his heart had tightened. Castor seethed for a few seconds, and then fell silent, once again a murmur behind his mind as the pale walls of Tartarus' foyer swam into view.

He was halfway out the door and down the street when he was accosted from behind.

"Don't tell me you're going back to the dorm just like that."

He raised an eyebrow as he turned to see a strangely-clad girl standing punitively behind him. "Nice outfit."

Yukari blushed and crossed her arms. "Shut up. It gives me a better defense bonus than my other clothes, so..."

"Just keep telling yourself that."

She stalked around the doorway for a little while, but then she gave up on him. He knew she would. They all would, after a while.

--

It was one of the better nights. Maybe seeing Death had done something to Castor, made him weary, or at the very least less combative. Shinjiro found sleep so easy to come by that, settling for a brief respite on the lounge couch, could not grasp the threads of consciousness for long. He drifted off, and the world began to unwind from its stopped time. His brow furrowed when the door opened, but he did not wake.

Yukari was first back (well, second technically if you counted Shinjiro) and she was on the verge of calling out when she saw her query sleeping on the couch. She'd never seen him asleep before. This wasn't shocking, as Shinjiro happened to fall in the category of people that slept in their own rooms, but it was something new. Savoring the sight, she sat down across from him and debated what to do.

Unfortunately for any plans that she'd had, Shinjiro had learned to be a light sleeper. Something in the weight of her gaze perturbed his resting form, and his eyes slowly fluttered open.

He jumped. Or, jumped as much as any person who had been previously reclining on a sofa could.

"Sleepy?" She asked, smiling. Shinjiro groaned.

"Don't tell me you came back early to grill me more. I promise, it's not worth your time."

"Yes and no. I'm honestly pretty tired, I mean, whew. It's been a while since I've felt really good, you know?"

Shinjiro could relate. He hadn't felt really excellent since the day he found out about his Persona. Things had tended to go downhill from there, as Yukari continued to talk, and he began to fade once more into slumber.

"..and that's why there's this connection between--hey! Don't you want to know?"

"Know what?" He growled. Come on, the one day his Persona was actually letting him get some shut-eye had to be the day that this girl wanted him to stay awake? Not happening. Try again later.

"About the Hierophant and the Lovers, geez, were you listening at all?" Yukari sighed. "Look, haven't you ever wondered why there's only one person in SEES per Arcana?"

Shinjiro yawned despairingly. "There's a hell of a lot more Arcana than people."

"Yeah," Yukari admited, "but other than that. I mean, looking at us now, we almost fill out in a line. We've got the Fool," she frowned, "Junpei's the Magician, Fuuka's the High Priestess, Mitsusu's the Empress, Akihiko's the Emperor, you're the Hierophant, I'm the Lovers, Aigis is the Chariot, Koro-chan's is Strength, and Ken-kun's is Justice." She gave him a triumphant look.

"Good try, except that you're missing Fortune and the Hermit after the pooch."

Yukari sighed. "Well, without Ken-kun, it all works out fine, anyway."

Shinjiro shook his head. He thought about saying something, but decided against it. She couldn't have known.

"What I'm trying to prove though, is that if you think about it, the Arcana pair off in different ways: the Magician and the High Priestess go together as opposites. The Magician is about control and liveliness, while the High Priestess accepts that some things are out of her control and is calm. Then you have the Empress and the Emperor, that go together, because well, you know. And then there's the Hierophant and the Lovers..."

"Is this all that you ever want to talk about?" He sat up, and gathered his coat and things together.

"Well, if Fate's involved, wouldn't you want to know about it?"

"No."

He looked at her hard for a second, his foot on the stairs, and she could have sworn that something changed in his eyes. And then darkness covered him and that was all she saw.


	6. VI: The Mirror

A day passed, with everyone agreeing that they were too tired to do much of anything, so they did nothing. Or, he supposed that Mitsuru had gone off to wherever it was she went ro study, while Fuuka typed her essay on the couch, and Junpei fought with Ken for the remote to the TV.

He himself had decided to turn in early, which should have immediately struck him as a bad idea, but he did it anyway.

It was late when he was again awake, trying to convince his legs to shake off the tremors and descend the stairs. Sweat beaded across his chest, which had prompted him to discard his shirt earlier in the evening in favor of most efficient means of cooling. His hair swished against his bare back, a gentle broom-sweep, as he pried the door into the kitchen open without much noise. His stomach's growling was the only sound as he thumbed for the lights.

If there was one thing that he was good at, it was silence. Sneaking around at night had its benefits.

Some nights, usually after a particularly long dream, or a particularly gruesome one-- all of those ended the same way, the same alley, the same night, the same voice crying out, the shrill descent of an axe, always the same-- Shinjiro felt really hungry. He wasn't sure whether this was just some weird phase or just Castor acting up and needing food after a long round of haunting his sleep. He got a glass of water, slipped a pill into his mouth (he'd learnt pretty quickly that keeping a small amount with him at all times was a good idea), and swallowed, trying to master his heart rate.

Hell, things had been going so well.

He'd experimented not taking more of the pills than necessary: testing to see how far and how long he could go without them, but it was still pretty variable. Some days he could last a whole twenty-four hours, others he found himself needing more and more than he had before. He'd like to say that he was worried, but he'd long stopped being distressed about that. He'd long resigned himself to the unhappy fact that, if the pills were what did him in in the end, then everything else hadn't been trying hard enough.

The world swooned, and the counter was as good an anchor as any as he reached to get a packet of ramen off the shelf. The steam from the water on the stove felt good against his bare chest, which was now developing a chill as the heat from the dream wore off.

Something bumped behind him, out of sync with the creakings of the dorm and he whirled, ready at an instant. Damn, he'd gotten too comfortable in this place again too soon. He should've brought a weapon. Akihiko had mentioned that Shadow following him back. Was it the Dark Hour? Christ, not even a clock in here.

He grabbed the nearest thing that looked like it might even be remotely deadly and made to strike. Better safe than sorry.

"Ah--"

Yukari Takeba would always remember it as one of the more interesting evenings at the dorm. Leaping out of the dimly-lit kitchen, Shinjiro brandished a ladle at her threateningly, face set, pale hair falling disorderedly against his bare shoulders. And chest.

"Um, hey, senpai!" She said, averting her eyes and doing a quick half-turn. "I mean, uh, what are you doing up this late?"

Shinjiro was a little baffled by her behavior, until he remembered his current state of clothing. Water he'd put in the pot had started to boil, so he added the noddles. They glomped together in one piece, so he blearily poked at them with a chopstick.

Meanwhile, Yukari was trying to inch into the kitchen, all the while avoiding looking at him directly. Shinjiro gave her pajama-ed back a discerning look.

"You need something?" He rasped.

"Just a glass of water. But don't worry, I can--"

Swinging a cabinet door open, he found a glass and filled it. "You like the stuff from the fridge, right?"

"Uh, yeah, but don't feel like you need to--"

He stepped behind her and tapped her shoulder. She reached a hand back, but he drew the glass away as her arm flapped around, searching. He hardly realized that she'd still been honestly groping for the glass until she let out a sigh.

"Come on, senpai, I'm thirsty."

"You're going to have to turn."

Not meeting his eyes, she turned and grasped at the glass, which he still managed to keep out of reach.

"Not going to even look, then?" He inquired, and there seemed to be something odd in his voice, something that she couldn't place. Yukari hated not knowing things, not being able to see what was going on, even if it was embarrassing...

She looked. Funny, she never noticed how his eyes matched his hair, almost perfectly the same shade of faded brown.

"You're up late yourself." He commented, handing her the water glass.

"Strange dream," she replied.

Shinjiro watched as she hastily ascended the stairs back up to the third floor. He knew how that went. Hell, did he ever.


	7. VII: The Masquerade

It's all a game of masques and maskers, he knows.

A pair of wings ran around the shrine yard late at night, and Shinjiro stuffed his hands into his pockets as he walked over to the jungle gym and sat down. It had always amazed him that nobody stole from the offering jars at this time of night. Were they too afraid of bad luck or were the monks just careful to remove the offerings in the evening?

Koromaru yipped delightedly and ran off down the steps. Shinjiro sat up, stretched, and sighed.

"Alright, calm down."

The dog, though, hurriedly disappeared down the steps and out of sight. Soon enough, his human companion was able to figure out why.

"Koro-chan! What are you doing so far away from the dorm? Oh, hey, senpai!"

Shinjiro looked over and saw a pink, slightly fluffy girl bend down and pet Koromaru. She coughed into her sleeve and looked around at the stairs and empty playground.

"Geez, this place is kinda weird at night, you know? Gives me the creeps sometimes."

Koromaru whined.

"Whoops, sorry, boy." She ruffled the dog's fur. "Nice of you to take Koro-chan out on a night like this, though."

Night like what? Cloudy and nondescript with a waning moon above them? There hadn't been too much else to do. Half of the team was recovering from their latest excursion, and no one wanted to head out tonight, so he'd walked the dog. Honestly, Shinjiro thought, Koromaru tended to need to be walked a lot more than his fellow dorm-mates seemed to realize. He was an extremely intelligent dog, but even the most intelligent of dogs needed to be let outside on a regular basis.

"You're out late." He commented dryly. Spreading her hands behind her head, Yukari yawned.

"Not that late. Fuuka recommended I take a walk by here. Guess I know why."

"You surprised?" He inquired, folding the dog's leash in his hands. Might as well go back. It didn't look like he was going get a lot of alone time here. Not anymore, at least.

"Maybe a little. I mean, it sort of makes me wonder whether she's watching us all the time, like, when we least expect it." Yukari looked over at him as he stood. "You don't think she's doing that, right?"

Shinjiro shrugged. "You've known her longer than I have."

"Aw man," she sighed, "now I'm going to be staying up late at night wondering about that."

They walked on back, Koromaru ambling along between them, not so much a keeper of the peace but rather as a demarcation line: he walks on that side of the walk, she walks on the other. Clear boundary between them: light and dark, always opposites and always uncrossable.

"Is there anything that keeps you awake at night, senpai?"

The truthful thing to do would have been to answer her and confess that, yes, there were a great many things that kept him awake at night, but Shinjiro did not feel like being entirely truthful at the moment. Instead, he said nothing, allowing the silence to loom into something suffocating. Yukari decided not to press her luck.

"I just was wondering if you usually hung around late at night in the kitchen," she hastily amended, "since it seemed like you knew where everything was, and you've only been in the dorm for a few days."

"Things in there hadn't changed much from before I left." He explained.

"Oh yeah, you used to live in the dorm. Do you have the same room as before?"

Shinjiro looked at her strangely, curious as to know why this was something that need be asked. He affirmed that yes, he did indeed have the same room. All his things were even in the same place as he'd left them.

"Wow," Yukari replied, "I know Akihiko-senpai was pretty intent on getting you to rejoin SEES, but it's nice that he made sure no one else took your room from you."

Nodding just to progress the conversation, he couldn't fathom why something like having your own room saved for you was so important. If she'd known Akihiko like he did, then it wouldn't surprise her at all that the room would be saved. That guy just didn't give up: Shinjiro had no doubt that if he hadn't agreed to come back that his room would still be waiting for him, no matter how many more guys they discovered with Persona abilities waiting to take it. Akihiko would do everything to find some other solution, anything to keep the prospect of him coming back someday alive, even if it meant going through more hassle in the long run.

"It's just what Aki would do." He commented absently, thinking little of what his companion was doing. When he did turn to make sure that she was keeping up, he stopped in his tracks, completely unsure how to handle the situation. And when someone who routinely hung out in the wrong places and consorted with the wrong kind of people had no idea what to do, things had were pretty damn bad.

Yukari had stopped walking and a silver trail on her cheek glistened in the streetlights' glow. She saw him doubling back, and immediately bunched up her sleeve and wiped her eyes.

"Sorry about that, it's just," she took a deep breath and let it out, "it's just really nice that you have someone that does that for you. My mom," she swallowed, forcing her eyes to focus and to not return to the state they were in before, "I mean, I guess I'm jealous. My mom stopped doing that for me when things got bad for our family, basically, when my dad died and she started losing it."

Yukari sat on a stone fence by the street as a few cars passed them by, headlights streaking off into the distance. Shinjiro took a spot next to her, more out of convenience than consolation: the fence was too short to lean against, and so sitting on it was an easier option.

"I remember coming home late from a sleepover one day and finding some strange guy in my bed," she said, face wrinkling in disgust at the memory. "Everything smelled like cheap wine, the house was a wreck, and my sheets were soaked." Her shoulders slumped, and a rueful grin fluttered across her features. "I guess you could say moving into the dorm was a godsend, not having to live there with her anymore or always wonder what I'd wake up to in the mornings." She shook her head, and then sat up. "Sorry about that! I guess I wasn't feeling as well as I thought I was. I should probably be going back."

He knew that he should say something to her, do something comforting and friend-like, but that wasn't his problem, was it? They weren't friends. He kept stride with her, Koromaru prancing along with them, until they got to the doorway. She bit her lip, hand hesitating above the door knob. Shinjiro had a feeling he knew what this was about.

"It's not like I'd tell them."

Much to her chagrin, Yukari was very visibly relieved. "That's not what I--"

"It's cold out here." Shinjiro cut in, and opened the door.

The night set in, two people dreamt strange things, and once again, he found himself awake without having slept enough, putting on his coat and unlocking the front door before the sun had time to kiss the windows. Just like always.

He was running out of his last stash (it was getting harder to bring it into the dorm now that Akihiko was in the lounge so much--the only real time to do it was during school or late at night) but it didn't seem like it was helping much anyway. The dreams continued, and it was shaping up to be him and a very unhappy Castor: together forever. Pulling his peacoat around him, he shut the door behind him and left.


	8. VIII: The Evening Solace

It was the part of the evening in which he could never be sure whether it was very late at night during the day he'd fallen asleep on, or very early in the morning next day.

The streets resounded with the click of his boots on the deserted pavement, and he could barely see the first few strands of morning beginning to poke through the night's canopy. Shinjiro was out a lot more at this time than he liked to admit since coming back to SEES and going out for their midnight jaunts. He remembered doing this a lot when he first joined, but he wasn't completely used to Castor struggling with him this much again.

So, adjustments were made.

Shop windows were dark, the streetlights dimmed and brightened hazily in the darkness, and a solitary wind gusted some excess leaves lying on the street into motion. The world was quiet, possessing the same kind of stillness that one might find at a museum or in a painting: unmoving, serene in its frozen vista.

And here he was moving through all that, breaking the spell, tearing the illusion of frozen time to shreds. He broke the stillness into shatters and might have been sad for the loss, had he not long before realized that time was always moving, whether it seemed to be or not.

He found himself in front of a revolving door to a small building. After pulling out a small, plastic card from an inner pocket and, showing it to the person at the door, he entered one of the few spots this late at night that was bound to be open. Pale fluorescent lights blazed on untwinklingly above him, a sole runner occupied a treadmill in one lonely corner, and the smell of fresh petunias (probably from the air fresheners scattered through the place) wafted up to his nose.

Shinjiro had to hand it to himself: getting a membership to a 24-hour gym was one of the better ways he'd developed for dealing with Castor's late night rages.

...

Under his fingers, the key pulsed as he unlocked the door to the dormitory, keeping sharp tempo with his heartbeat. He was near on exhausted.

The nights passed easier this way-- after a long, unsatisfying night of waiting--hell, why were they waiting anymore? Things fell on their shoulders too important to be waylaid and laid off for later on. More often than not, he found himself writhed into a ball in his room after a night of lounging downstairs, hoping the night's activities would provide him some release. He had long stopped hoping for anything favorable, and the gym tended to be where he went most nights these days after trips to Tartarus.

Swinging the door open, he found the lounge dark. Which was good, considering that if it wasn't dark, he'd need to answer some interesting questions. Everyone mostly just assumed that he went to sleep at about the same time as they did and he didn't want to disillusion them.

The sun was making its way past the crags and pitfalls of the cloudy, autumn horizon as he made his way up the first floor stairs.

"Morning, senpai! You're up early."

He leaned against the banister, barely believing what he was hearing.

The girl across from him wore a bow and quiver slung over her bright pink uniform and was staring at him expectantly.

"What?" She said, a curious grin beginning to blossom on her features.

"You going back out?"

She shook her head and settled the bow more comfortably against her arm. "Nope! Archery club has early practice today, so I get to haul my butt out to the practice area. Lucky me. But regionals are coming up, so we do need the practice."

Shinjiro nodded, sleep threatening to assail his senses. Regionals, huh? Didn't Akihiko have those? He frowned to himself, letting the reality sink in. It wasn't like they'd let him in anyway.

"You out by yourself, senpai?" Yukari ventured, trying to break the silence and at the same time maneuver herself down the stairs.

Raising an eyebrow, he looked over at her suspiciously. Did she actually care? For a hesitant moment, he couldn't decide which answer he disliked more.

"Yeah." He replied, making way for her as she proceeded down the stairs and out the door. He shrugged. Guess that was it after all. She was out doing sports and he was just alone at night. Figures.

Returning to his room at last, he heard the subtle click as the outside door locked itself and then he slumped against the far wall of his room, unconscious before his body hit the floor.


	9. IX: The Present

He'd tried walking Koromaru that day, but the pooch brought him back a creepy-ass doll while wandering in the shrine yard. It had taken him a few moments of distraction before its identity registered with him.

Shakily petting the white-furred dog on the head (who was all the while eying him intensely), Shinjiro absently pocketed the homunculus and wondered what the hell that could mean.

...

He thought he was being quiet, but apparently not quiet enough.

It was one of those rare days when the blue-haired girl decided that she'd had enough of waiting around on the couches and tried to get them all to do something instead of moping. Like get ramen at Iwatodai or go see a movie or something. He hadn't been too interested-- get caught hanging around with these guys in Port Island Station? That was a little too close to some less savory aspects of his life for comfort. So, he sat this one out.

He usually sat these group things out, so it wasn't like it had mattered anyway.

He found that the pill container made less noise when he carried it wrapped in cloth, which had been helpful in his late night walks. But then again, its contents were quickly running low, so there was less inside it to be making noise in the first place. Castor even seemed to know that something was up. Hell, Shinjiro snorted, shoving the raw rice in the cooker with more violence than was perhaps necessary, it wasn't like his Persona didn't already know everything about him.

Since he'd been cutting back on the pills more out of necessity than desire, he found himself like this more and more: waking up at odd hours of the night more times than he'd want to count. His hand would make that familiar reach to the bedside table, only to be retracted when he reminded himself of their dwindling numbers, scenes of battle still flashing through his head.

Chopping vegetables was good for that, getting rid of pent-up aggression and the need to swing an axe, so stirfry it was. Rhythmic and steady, the knife rose and fell against the chopping board as carrots fell into a neat line.

Hoofbeats.

Rain infected the air, making it so thick that you could hardly breathe for the fog. The line had progressed across the field, and their banners flapped in the wind with a clatter. Black to the left, white to the right, separated by that thin line down the center of the flag. A dull, wet wind set the damp cloth into motion and he frowned. What had it all meant, their sign? White for lightening and immortality, black for the spear and--

His eyes tore open and he dropped the knife, hand trembling, vaguely aware of a throbbing in his palm.

Thin slices of carrots splayed wildly over the counter, and then--

Blood. Shit, that was a lot of blood.

Something stirred outside the door, and Yukari Takeba chose that moment to enter.

"I thought I heard a cry--oh!" She herself cried, hand flying to her mouth. "Senpai, you're bleeding!"

Shinjiro frowned. He knew that. It wasn't like he was completely oblivious, though it probably seemed like it, standing dumbly around with a dripping wound. He stepped to the sink and turned his back to the door, switched on the faucet, and tried to recollect himself.

The water sped over his hand, numbing the pain, and casting a chill over his fingers. Yukari watched him cautiously.

"You sure that's going to be alright? I mean, I know that Mitsuru-senpai told me about a medical kit somewhere, so I could find that---"

"It's fine."

"Really? That looked like a lot of blood."

Yeah, no joke. "Anybody ever tell you that you have a bad habit of walking in on people?"

That gave her pause. "No."

"You do."

He finished at the sink, turned the handle on the faucet roughly, and resumed work. The onions fell quickly under his knife, as did the broccoli and the tomato. It wasn't until he had begun to hardboil some eggs when he realized that she was still there, still hovering over the door.

"What?" He asked, beginning to get tired of this. It was embarrassing. He wielded an axe, for God's sake. It wasn't like he couldn't handle sharp objects.

But the dreams...

Fuck it. Dreams were dreams, but they didn't take over your life. They weren't supposed to, anyway.

"I was just thinking," she started, but stopped. "You know, you tend to stay up pretty late cooking stuff on a regular basis, senpai."

He shrugged. The TV was pretty crap at night here, except for the recipe channels, and he got hungry after dreaming. Not hard to guess what happened.

"You ever thought about joining the Home Etc club?"

Shinjiro Aragaki looked up from his slicing and monitoring of the rice cooker to give his companion the most alienated look that he had perhaps ever been forced to make in his short, but colorful lifetime.

Yukari took that as a sign not to pursue that train of thought. She waved it off, trying to be upbeat, but finding it a little more difficult after that chilly reception. "I mean, I just thought that maybe... One of the guys in it is from France, so he might be able to show you some cool cooking stuff if that's what you're into." She paused, and took a deep breath. "So, what are you making, anyway?"

"Stirfy." He responded, knowing the inevitable question that would come after that.

"Could I try some?"

"No," was on the verge of his lips, when he frowned, and, unspeaking, shrugged. His hand ached dully in the background as he found two bowls and, after mixing the rice with soy sauce and his vegetables in a wok on the stove, slowly scooped out two portions. He couldn't for the life of him fathom why. Maybe he was tired of always saying no. Or maybe he was just tired. Yeah, something like that.

* * *

**Author's Note**:

Thanks very much for the reviews! Being a physics major in college, I don't have terribly much in the way of free time, so chapters will continue to show up, albeit sporadically. I've got quite a ways to go still, I know, but writing this lessens the pain of being away from my PS2 and Persona 4. Although at this point in the game I still prefer Persona 3, this may be because I haven't yet found a sufficiently badass character to write stories about in P4. Ah well. And seriously, folding envelopes, guys?

The date is September 12. The month is running out.

--cy.


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